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onedayremains88

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fuck me [Aug. 2nd, 2005|06:26 pm]
onedayremains88
[mood |discontentdiscontent]
[music |Disturbed "10,000 Fists"]

Crap. Crap. Crap... SHIT...crap. Yeah, threw that in there to trick you. I miss her. That's what I did this "vacation." Missed her. Ugh. I'm so tired, and all I wanted to do was talk to her. Guess a long 4 and 1/2 hours is in order for me. Spending time with Joe. I guess I gotta get it out, or something.
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*insert long argh-ish scream here* [Jul. 27th, 2005|12:21 pm]
onedayremains88
[mood |crankycranky]
[music |Mudvayne "Not Falling"]

*sigh* I swear I have pink eye. I woke up this morning with crust stuck in all my eyelashes. I dunno if I'm gonna make it to the doctors today so I might hafta go to work and all. Yay now I can infect others! ;-) Ugh. This is so gay. I know, I sound like a 7 year old, but I dunno how else to describe it. I'm still tired after 10 hours of sleep. I can't even think straight. I wish she could be here. I hope I don't hafta work so I can just talk to her. Yeah. Well, I dunno what else to say. Here's a song that has a good deeper meaning to it. Peace. /\m/\

"Not Falling"

Always, known in, all my time,
A little left of center now
Reflect as I realize,
That all I need is to find the middle pillar path to sit like the sun by a star in the sky and
just be.
Sinners, casting stones at me

I... I stand, not crawling, not falling down
I... I bleed the demons that drag me down
I... I stand, (for nothing), not crawling, (the center), not falling down (of calms within the eye)
I... I'll bleed, (for no one), The demons, (but myself), that pull me down (for me and no one else)

Goodbye, sunshine, I've put it out again, sad
I'm over, personalities, conflicting, I don't need you, or anyone, but me, I'll just be, living
my own life
I feel my glowing center grow, infecting
I feel alive
Shovel dirt over lime, plant it in myself to sit like a seed under covers of earth and just be
Sinners, pointing fingers at me

I... I stand, (for nothing), not crawling, (by myself), not falling down
I... I bleed, (for no one), the demons, (but myself), that drag me down
I... I stand, (for nothing), not crawling, (the center), not falling down (of calms within the eye)
I... I'll bleed, (for no one), the demons, (but myself), that pull me down (for me and no one else)

Come play kill
Refuse my body, refuse my shadow
Stond cold will
Refuse to lead this, refuse to follow
Bitter pills
Refuse to feed this, refuse to swallow
I'm fueled godless

Come play, come play
KILL
Just be, just be

I... I stand, (for nothing), not crawling, (by myself), not falling down
I... I bleed, (for no one), the demons, (but myself), that drag me down
I... I stand, (for nothing), not crawling, (the center), not falling down (of calms within the eye)
I... I'll bleed, (for no one), the demons, (but myself), that drag me down (for me and no one else)
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(no subject) [Jul. 18th, 2005|12:43 pm]
onedayremains88
[mood |pissed offpissed off]
[music |Disturbed "Stupify"]

What a dick move. I fucking hate people. I know it's sorta a "misunderstanding" cuz technically we're "apart" but fuck. I mean, how the fuck could you do that, TWICE!?!?! Not even do it again, but just THINK about doing it. How fucking fake can you be? It'll never happen again my ass. He just wants some ass. What a fucking fake ass bastard. I wanna take him by his fat neck and strangle the shit out of him and everyone like him. I hate people. There's like, 4 people in the world I can trust anymore. Thank god she's one of them. Men are dicks. Just FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!! No one's gonna have her but me. Damn I sound jealous and greedy. But I love her...

/\m/\
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1:32, still not dressed [Jul. 13th, 2005|01:32 pm]
onedayremains88
[mood |lazylazy]
[music |My Chemical Romance "Thank You For The Venom"]

Blaaaaaaaaaah. I slept for like 9 hours and I'm still feeling lazy. Somethin's wrong with that. It's not even like I'm feeling down or anything, just overall lazy. I have work today, which will be undoubtedly boring as usual. Thank god for band practice afterwords. I feel really creative on the guitar as of late. I guess I really just want things with the band to go right. Tom's band just did it, so why can't ours? I dunno. I guess that's kinda just the way I've been lately. I have noooo idea. Oh well, it doesn't matter. I need to hit office max for some blank cds today. Oh yeah, 100 cds 100 cases 10 bucks. Sweet deals..
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w...t..f.. mate? [Jul. 12th, 2005|02:38 pm]
onedayremains88
[mood |blankblank]
[music |Def Leppard "Bringin On The Heartbreak"]

I'm kinda just like, "...." right now. Nothing really going through me, no happiness or sadness or anything, just kinda contemplating and musing. I don't really like this feeling. I had a good day yesterday and everything. It's weird. I miss her, not like, obsessively, but just... I guess I wanna be around her. Blah, I'm being run out of my house. Stupid driving, stupid work. Stupid me.
/\m/\
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Behind the door, should I open it for you? [Jul. 9th, 2005|01:37 am]
onedayremains88
[mood |sadsad]
[music |Metallica "The Unforgiven II"]

I did it... I did it again. Why am I so stupid. Dammit. Dammit all to hell. I stole a razor from work today, simply because I am a klepto, but... it reminds me of all of that, all the time. I'm gonna take it with me. Not for doing anything with it, just... to have. I miss her, and now I won't sleep. I left her alone... I did. Here's a fucking great Metallica song that no one knows... it's so true...

"Fixxxer" by Metallica


Dolls of voodoo all stuck with pins
One for each of us and our sins
So you lay us in a line
Push your pins they make us humble
Only you can tell in time
If we fall or mearly stumble

But tell me
Can you heal what father's done?
Or fix this hole in mother's son?
Can you heal the broken worlds within?
Can you strip away so we may start again?

Tell me
Can you heal what father's done?
Or cut this rope and let us run?
Just when all seems fine
And I'm pain free
You jab another pin
Jab another pin in me

Mirror, mirror upon the wall
Break the spell or become the doll
See you sharpening the pins
So the holes will remind us
We're just the toys in the hands of another
And in time, the needles turn from shine to rust

But tell me
Can you heal what father's done?
Or fix this hole in mother's son?
Can you heal the broken worlds within?
Can you strip away so we may start again?

Tell me
Can you heal what father's done?
Or cut this rope and let us run?
Just when all seems fine
And I'm pain free
You jab another pin
Jab another pin in me

Jab it
Here come the pins

Blood for face
Sweat for dirt
Three X's for the stone
To break this curse
A ritual's due
I believe I'm not alone
Shell of shotgun
Pint of gin
Numb us up to shield the pins
Renew our faith
Which way we can
To fall in love with life again
To fall in love with life again
To fall in love with life again
To fall in love
To fall in love
To fall in love with life again

So tell me
Can you heal what father's done?
Or fix this hole in mother's son?
Can you heal the broken worlds within?
Can you strip away so we may start again?

Tell me
Can you heal what father's done?
Or cut this rope and let us run?
Just when all seems fine
And I'm pain free
You jab another pin
Jab another pin in me

No more pins in me
No more, no more pins in me
No more, no more pins in me
No more, no more, no more
No, no, no
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It's over, walk on by... [Jul. 8th, 2005|01:37 am]
onedayremains88
[mood |pleasedpleased]
[music |Pink Floyd "Waiting For The Worms"]

Ugh... what a gay feeling. Yeah, I called it gay. You heard me. I just had so much "BITCHBITCHBITCHBITCHBITCH" thrown at me in the past like 12 hours that I couldn't take it anymore a few minutes ago. I'm glad she was there to talk to. I'm not going crazy. Thanks to her I didn't do anything stupid either. I just didn't wanna make her feel sad. Work tomorrow, 2-8. Oh yeah, fun stuff. The song I have on is the infamous "Hammer March" song from the Wall. I love that scene, the beat is just so.. life-like. Powerful strong and driving, but at the same time it keeps you going. Wow... she's... worried about me. She just signed back on cuz she's worried about me. I love her... damn. I feel... amazing. It's... weird, but, nice. You'd think I'd know that by now, and I do, but... to see it in action, it's... amazing. I feel a lot better.
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Walkin through town is quite scaaary... [Jul. 6th, 2005|01:31 am]
onedayremains88
[mood |distresseddistressed]
[music |Kaiser Chiefs "I Predict A Riot"]

I can't even think straight.
All I know is I'm sad.
I wanted to talk to her.
I missed my chance.
Why do I hafta be so tired?
Why can't I stay awake and wait for her
Forever?
I'm afraid to call.
But I don't wanna wait til tomorrow.
What do I do?
I miss her.
I just wanna go to sleep and know it's OK.
....yeah.
That's it.
I hope she gets my e-mail.
I love her...
Good night...
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Blah... [Jul. 4th, 2005|01:36 am]
onedayremains88
[mood |cynicalcynical]
[music |Pink Floyd "Money"]

Sometimes... sometimes I wish things would just pull together. Not just with her, but with my whole damn life. It never does though. Things don't ever change. I just want things to come together with things like the band, which everyone acclaims so much. This weekend I felt so... so helpless. I guess it started after I she left for the shore this weekend. I went to work that day, Friday... and had nothing to do but think for 6 straight hours... that and eat (which I've done non-stop since then, blah). It was such a mind numbing experience. At one point... I was looking through drawers of parts and tools that are kept on my side of the counter and I found, god... I don't wanna make it sound like I'm looking down on anyone here, but... I found what I would have deemed a "cutter's paradise." By that I mean a drawer filled... I mean filled with (like, 100+) razors. It, it just made me think. It made me think of her more and how I missed her and how I wished she'd never touch herself like that with a razor any time. I'm just... I dunno. I miss her so much. All weekend, even at Live 8 (which I attended, because I live in Philly) I missed her. All I wanted was her touch or her voice to know she's alright and to make me feel alright. I love her...
/\m/\
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(no subject) [Jun. 30th, 2005|04:39 pm]
onedayremains88
[music |Rush "YYZ]

It's... so hard. It's so hard to know she still loves you and still doesn't want anyone else. It's hard for me to still love her and not want anyone else either. I just want it to be the same again... I never wanted it any different. I wish so many times I woulda told her how much I missed her and wanted to be with her. I wish all the times I felt lonely how much I wanted her to be there. I guess now I won't forget... This song, it reminds me so much of myself. I listened to it last night when I was in bed. It made me miss her and think of her. I miss her so much... :'(

"I Will Breathe Fire" by Strata

I am just a needle in your arm.
I am just the skin around a scar.
I am like a pill to help you heal.
I was only trying
To make you feel something.
I will
Breathe fire,
Never stop to think about myself.
I'll just keep holding on
To everything for everybody else...
You wasted every chance you ever had.
So when did you give up
And grow so sad?
You know that I can't push the world aside.
If only I could stop and
Turn back time
I would...
You are watching the fall of an empire!
Send the soldiers home!
And as the flags come down
A new king is crowned.
Woke up on a beach.
I stared at the blue...
And I watched the waves
Come and
Overtake you.
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